THE DAILY EDITION.

Fertility specialists are reporting increased inquiries from couples wanting triplets.

The catch is that you have to name the child Donald, which is rough if it's a girl or not a duck.

They’re calling them “Trump Accounts.” Because if one name screams safe long-term investment, it’s the guy whose companies filed for bankruptcy six times.

The money goes straight to private firms to invest it. So every American is now born with a financial advisor already taking a cut.

So instead a citizenship, they get a 1000 dollars to go "back".

Each newborn gets a thousand dollars — which is roughly what each of them will already owe on the national debt by the time they learn to walk.

No accounts were set up as the exchanges were closed for Independence Day.

and this will inflate the cost of university back to where only the rich kids can afford it...

Noaccounts were set up

Trump was very upfront about the fact that he will probably need the money back after the midterms.

A cherry of course is red. So is a fair balloon. Also apples and tomatoes.