THE DAILY EDITION.

Thankfully most Americans are safe, as they haven't even considered eating a fruit or vegetable in years.

...finally giving people who eat gas station hot dogs the moral high ground.

Experts warn that washing the berries won't remove the parasite, making raspberries the first thing in America with actual job security.

Doctors say the infection is easily treated with antibiotics, or as your insurance company calls that, "out of network."

I would take that risk for Halle Berry.

According to an unnamed Department of War spokeperson, plans are being developed to use the berries "to blow the crap out" of Iran's nuclear facility workforce.

The current CDC calls everything explosive diarrhea since it's the only symptom they know from when they saw it on "The Pitt".

Trying to fit in

A huge majority of my clothing. I'm still skinny, so I more mean the stuff when I was little.

Smoking

Starting the party after midnight

This killer outfit